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Now that you know the schedule …

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BBR’s Ridiculously Early Predictions*

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I ’ve preached patience all offseason. I’ve avoided predictions. There’s a lot of things that can happen between now and the season, you know. But below I’m busting out of my shell to offer a ridiculously early prediction of what the Panthers will do week-by-week in 2014. Just click on the + next to each game to see WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN!

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The Panthers opened up in Tampa Bay two years ago and it did not go well. The most mind-boggling stat – They rushed for 10 yards. Not on a drive, not for a quarter, not in a half, but for THE ENTIRE GAME. In the 2014 opener, the Bucs will debut Lovie Smith as head coach and former Panther Josh McCown at quarterback. McCown is a great guy with a great story, but Carolina’s front seven will give him all sorts of fits and the offense will do just enough to pull out a 17-10 WIN. (1-0)

[accordion_item title=”Week 2 vs Lions”]The three-year pattern continues. The Panthers played the Lions in 2005, 2008, 2011 and now again in 2014. It will be the second straight week Carolina faces a new head coach. Jim Caldwell may not be the most exciting guy, but his offense has plenty of weapons, including the best receiver in the NFL. Calvin Johnson will rip apart the Panthers Band-Aided secondary. Carolina’s home opener ends with 35-17 LOSS. (1-1)[accordion_item title=”Week 3 vs Steelers”]The Panthers and Steelers will meet in the preseason for the 12th straight year, and less than a month later, they’ll play in a game that actually counts on Sunday Night Football. We saw how Carolina only plays the Lions every three years. Well, they’re on a four-year rotation with Pittsburgh. 2002, 2006, 2010 and this game which will be a match-up between two big quarterbacks. In the end, the Panthers’ pressure is too much for Ben Roethlisberger and Cam Newton has a big day against former Panther Mike Mitchell and the Steelers secondary. Carolina WINS, 27-13. (2-1)[accordion_item title=”Week 4 at Ravens”]There’s no question he’ll be out to prove a point against his former club, the team he spent his whole career with until he wasn’t brought back this offseason. Yup, this is a big one for new Panthers tight end Ed Dickson. The Ravens also happen to have a guy who played in Charlotte a while. Steve Smith has played a wonderful PR game this offseason, but he now has a very large chip on his other shoulder. Oh, and look, it’s another one of those patterns. The last three meetings between these two teams were in 2002, 2006 and 2010. In the 2014 version, Smith’s held out of the end zone, but Baltimore hands the Panthers a 20-13 LOSS. (2-2)[accordion_item title=”Week 5 vs Bears”]Panthers head coach Ron Rivera is 0-2 against the team he played for, losing by a grand total of six points. Carolina dropped both in Chicago, but they get a couple touchdowns from former Bear Greg Olsen to WIN at home, 23-13. (3-2)[accordion_item title=”Week 6 at Bengals”]Ok, this pattern stuff is getting a bit ridiculous. The last three games of the Panthers/Bengals series goes 2002, 2006, 2010 and, yeah. This one starts a brutal stretch of five games against 2013 playoff teams for the Panthers. At least they get off to a good start with a 28-24 WIN. (4-2)[accordion_item title=”Week 7 at Packers”]The Panthers have given up 30 or more points the last three times they’ve played the Packers and it happens again in Week 7. Aaron Rodgers picks apart Carolina’s secondary. The Panthers’ trip to Lambeau ends with a 38-17 LOSS. (4-3)[accordion_item title=”Week 8 vs Seahawks”]The Panthers lost at home to the Seahawks by four points in 2012 and then by five points in 2013. Carolina gets a chance to make the third time a charm, but the defending Super Bowl champs do it again. The Panthers LOSE by 6, 16-10. (4-4)[accordion_item title=”Week 9 vs Saints”]This Thursday night primetime matchup is the middle game of an impossibly difficult stretch for the Panthers, but it’s not like this part of the Saints’ schedule is easy either. They’ll be coming off games at Detroit and against Green Bay, and then they get the 49ers in Week 10. The Panthers clinched the NFC South with a last-minute win at home against the Saints in 2013, but this isn’t as memorable. The Panthers LOSE, 35-21. (4-5)[accordion_item title=”Week 10 at Eagles”]After starting off 4-2, a three-game losing streak has the Panthers reeling heading into a Monday Night game in Philly. The free free doesn’t end. Carolina struggles to dial up any sort of pressure against Chip Kelly’s fast-paced offense. The Eagles hand the Panthers a 28-14 LOSS. (4-6)[accordion_item title=”Week 11 vs Falcons”]The Panthers just came off a stretch where they played five playoff teams from last season, and now they get the Falcons, who will have bounced back from their down year. But facing the prospect of a season-crushing fifth-straight loss, the Panthers outscore Atlanta to WIN at home, 28-24. (5-6)[accordion_item title=”Week 13 at Vikings”]After a bye in Week 12 – the latest bye week in Panthers’ history – Carolina travels to play outdoors in TCF Bank Stadium. Yeah, outside in Minnesota at the end of November. Fun! Many believe the Vikings could be on the way up with new head coach Mike Zimmer, but he still doesn’t have a quarterback. Despite temps in the teens, the Panthers WIN, 17-6. (6-6)[accordion_item title=”Week 14 at Saints”]The Panthers head into the final month of the season needing at least three wins to make the playoffs in back-to-back seasons for the first time ever. They better get those wins in the final three games because the Saints pull off a season sweep. The Panthers LOSE, 35-13. (6-7)[accordion_item title=”Week 15 vs Bucs”]The Bucs will be much better in 2014, but the Panthers pull off a sweep for a second straight season. Playoff hopes are still flickering after a 24-13 WIN. (7-7)[accordion_item title=”Week 16 vs Browns”]The Panthers need to win their last two games to earn the final playoff spot, and wouldn’t you know it, the Browns are a late-season mess yet again. With one week to go, Carolina can still make franchise history after a 21-6 WIN. (8-7)[accordion_item title=”Week 17 at Atlanta”]After losing five straight to the Falcons, the Panthers head into the season finale with a four-game win streak against their division rivals. At stake in Week 17: If the Panthers win, they’re win. Meanwhile, much-improved Atlanta can lock up the NFC’s second seed. And that’s what happens. The Falcons firepower is too much for the Panthers to handle and they finish the season with a 38-21 LOSS. (8-8)[/accordion]

So there you have it. More than EIGHT MONTHS before the final regular season game, you know how the Panthers will do this year. 8-8. Sorry. Don’t email or tweet bad things to the messenger.

(*NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!)

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