Hello, Rioters. We come out of the bye with a big one in Seattle. I spent my time away at the Rugby World Cup watching the All-Blacks and their famous Haka. A ritual equal parts bizarre and terrifying, it’s one of the most unique sights in sports:

“That was proper”…

Speaking of unique … Since our last post the Panthers signed Jared Allen. Regardless of how much “juice” he has left he is sure to keep the local press on their toes. He is a weird, weird dude who says things like “the messiest [kill was the] wild hog with a knife … that gets a little medieval.” This may be the single strangest video on the internet:

Allen won’t make the trip this weekend, but here’s to hoping he can help the not-so-scary defensive line over the course of the season.

Onto Seattle …

There is so much to dislike about the Seahawks; they have something for everybody. Here are just a few things to get your blood pressure going:

• Tone-deaf social media posts? Seahawks got you

• Marshawn Lynch press conferences? Seahawks got you

• Pete Carroll? Seahawks got you

• Russell Wilson? Oh, Seahawks got you

He believes concussions can be prevented by #nanobubbles. He believes the Almighty is a Seahawks fan. He believes he spoke directly to God, who asked him to “lead” Ciara. As Deadspin puts it, Wilson is “a lifelike colony of Surface™ Pro 3 banner ads employed by the Seattle Seahawks.”

• Long time Panthers nemesis Jimmy Graham

Seahawks got you (though you wouldn’t know it from reading box scores). Remember when Graham did this? The worst.

• Richard Sherman? Seahawks got you

Subnote: I kind of like Sherman, mainly for his takedown of Skip Bayless.

Most annoying of all? The Panthers haven’t beaten the Seahawks since 2007 and have an overall record of 2-7 against them. It’s time to change the conversation around this matchup.

Sunday’s going to be a big day for the Roaring Riot. The late kickoff gives everyone plenty of time to get their table reserved at Dilworth Neighborhood Grille. We’ve got a lot of great things planned including Jello shots, (inevitable) victory beers and 10% off food for all Riot members. Let’s get in proper game shape for back-to-back primetime home games in the coming weeks.

Finally, welcome back Luke Kuechly! We missed you. Look after yourself.

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